Slow Down, Fireball! Approachable Meditation & Mindfulness Tips for The Chronically Averse (You know who your are!)
“Yeah yeah yeah. Zen this…Mindfulness that…blah…blah…blah…try yoga, Dude. Uh huh. Namaste, Braugh. Don’t these people get it? I can’t meditate and yoga drives me nuts!”
Sound familiar? Some people just have an aversion to mindfulness and meditation. These are people that would sooner attempt to surf on the backs of great white sharks during a tropical storm than try to sit through a silent meal, much less a weekend meditation retreat. How do I know this? Because I used to be one of them. I wore my inability to “quiet my mind” as a badge of honor. “Be present? C’mon, Captain Herbalife. I’m here, aren’t I?” Thus went my relationship with all things mindful. Until I came across the right person…or maybe it was just the right time…but I digress.
On an airplane somewhere above Middle Whoknowswhere, Indiana, I accidentally made eye contact with the gentleman sitting next to me. He seized that nanosecond like a 38-year-old bridesmaid dropping an NHL-caliber shoulder check on her little sister to intercept the bridal bouquet. Darn it. I must not have been wearing my usual “Please, please, please, puh leeze don’t talk to me” travel face. Uh oh. He’s trying to talk to me. Do I go with “No Habla?” Nope, the positive psychology (I know, right?) book in my lap is clearly printed in English. No dice. Well we are in an exit row…if I just… pull this…no no no, that’s insanity. Hey, is that a racetrack down there? Stop it! Focus. Breathe….breathe…breeaathe…he means you no harm, Kemosabe.
“Where you headed?,” he asked.
“Positive Psychology certification course in the Berkshires,” I answered flatly.
“At Kripalu? That place changed my life,” he said with reverence.
“Really? How so?,” I said, legitimately intrigued.
“I spent four days there on a ‘forced fun,’ company mindfulness retreat. I was totally dreading it, but it ended up changing my life,” he explained.
Over the course of the next hour, I began to realize this chance meeting was exactly what my cynical, skeptical, racing-thoughts-riddled mind needed. I explained to him that everything I knew about mindfulness, meditation, and yoga led me to the conclusion that I wasn’t capable of mindfulness. I told him it made me feel like I was “broken,” or simply that I was doing it wrong. He could see the combination of frustration and defeat on my face. I told him that I just couldn’t sit there in stillness “letting thoughts just pass like leaves blowing in the wind.”
He smiled.
“What?,” I asked.
“That’s exactly how I felt.”
I exhaled, immediately feeling the muscles in my face relax as I did. He then was able to show me in a matter of minutes that the way many meditation and mindfulness “gurus” present their materials, it sets a lot of us up for failure. “Total relaxation,” “Zen-like calm,” “emptying your mind:” these are all lofty goals for the uninitiated.
He explained that many of us feel like failures before we even start.
“Forget about that stuff,” he said. “I learned three simple concepts that helped me get started. First, everything begins and ends with the breath. If you can simply concentrate on breathing, you’re being mindful. If you can zero in on the sensation of the air going in and out of your body, you’re meditating.”
“Second,” he continued, “the goal is something, not nothing. Don’t think of it as emptying your mind, think of it as focusing your mind. Think about it practically. If improving your ability to focus and pay attention is a benefit of meditation and mindfulness, then why would the act of practicing meditation prescribe the opposite?”
This dude is making sense.
“And third, just be present. You’re going to have thoughts. It’s natural. It’s normal. They’re going to come from the past. They’re going to come from the future. Don’t think of it as a failure when this happens…just try to get back to the present. Engage your senses. Listen to the sounds in the room. Feel the temperature. Experience the scents that float by. That’s the present…and if all else fails, go back to focusing on the sensations around your breath. Then repeat. Breathe. Focus. Be Present. That’s it. That’s where I started, and it grew from there.”
“Well what happened next? How long did it take for your life to change? What happens if…”
“Slow down, Fireball. Stay in the present. I don’t want to get into the details of how I progressed because if your experience is different, then what happens?,” he said semi-rhetorically.
“I get it. I may think I’m doing it wrong.”
“Exactly. Breathe. Focus. Be Present. Repeat. Start there. Let what happens next be yours.”
Mind. Blown.
Here are a couple of resources to get your cynical mind out of the way that I have found incredibly helpful on my journey towards a simpler understanding of mindfulness. Keep it simple. Breathe. Focus. Be Present.
- 10% HAPPIER. Author, teacher, creator Dan Harris has done the work, all you need to do is take it in. There’s an app. There’s a book. There are newsletters. There are podcasts. Go for it!
- MINDFULNESS COLORING BOOKS. You’ve seen them at airports. You’ve seen them at convenient stores. Try one. Many even come with a nice selection of colored pencils. Why do they work? They’re full of pictures made up of tiny circles, triangles, squares, and even amorphous areas. All you do is pick a color and try to stay within the lines. It is nearly impossible to do this activity without focusing and being present. It is amazingly soothing. Give one a try.
- SIMPLE BREATHING TECHNIQUES. Remember: it begins and ends with the breath. The breath can be your default for returning to the present. Plus, there are a number of health benefits in the areas of sleep, mental focus, circulation, and digestion that come along as an added bonus. Try starting with a couple of these. They’re easy to do and take very little time.
Questions? Comments? Need a little coaching to get started?
Come on in to Comprehensive Gastrointestinal Health, give me a call at 224.407.4400, or shoot me an email at [email protected]. I’ll be happy to share more about how I made the transition from cynic to advocate and help you get started on your version of the mindfulness journey.